Hope I haven't been too unpleasant in my last few posts, discussing this bitter but necessary topic for the sake of my honour. I suppose I've been like Androcles' lion with a thorn in my ear since that silicone got stuck in there the other night. It got painfully wedged against my ear drum and I had to wait until today to get it pulled out. It's the second time I've had to see a doctor for this problem in the last four years. This time it went quickly. The last doctor was younger, and needed tweezers to accomplish the task, after almost giving up and referring me to an ear/nose/throat doctor, but my regular, somewhat elderly, physician blasted this one out with one mighty shot of the turkey baster. And here I was worried his vision might not be up to the task. I guess he showed me.
While in the waiting room, listening to a game show broadcast with my one good ear, I got the idea for a way to help me communicate more clearly: audience participation. (Cheering.) Firstly, let me say that I do not hate America or Americans and I do not think the U.S.A. hates Jesus. My work of poetry is a work of imagination which is intended to make you think, not to insult you, if you are American. In my poem - and only in my poem - Christ visits modern America and is rejected by the U.S. media, which uses its influence to have him rejected by the whole country. This is because I think Christ would preach against the materialistic messages of commercials and game shows, and, thus, bring the media to retaliate against him. (Loud cheering.). Here is the poem again: (Cheering.)
The Visitation
The Lord can work wonders, supreme is His power
And the world had drawn close to its reckoning hour
So He sent Himself down in the form that we knew
To determine our fate by how well He would do
In the Holy Land where He first practiced his speech
On whose value of knowledge first brought Him to teach
He saw they made room for His worshiper's prayer
If only for outsiders visiting there
In the surrounding regions His words would resound
In the hearts of a people whose faith was profound
As a prophet they took Him, an honor most high
If not on the mark, it only fell shy
From there He went east to the Asian domain
Where belief in his Gospel Had not made a gain
And was nonetheless taken for one who was good
Whose message was heeded and well understood
Although wars most made up Europeans' dark past
Now their guns were put down and they'd found peace at last
In some parts of Africa anguish was great
For relief He would see that they'd not too long wait
Island-hopping Australia so as not to skip
He traversed the Pacific for the last of His trip
And in Latin America was well received
By a people who'd never seen and yet believed
But the U.S.A. hated Him at the behest
Of wealthy false prophets who condemned how He dressed
Their media mocked Him and called Him insane
And crucified Jesus all over again
So the whirlwind arose to correct their mistake
Though the good ones could refuge in Canada take
As calamity spun, salvation was won
By every place on the globe except one
(Loud cheering.)
But as long as we're on the topic of consumerism, maybe I should take the opportunity to express my case against the stars in a more popular format. So, behind Door #1 we have U.B.C.'s Thunderbird Arena, a venue of approximately 5,000 seats. At the bargain price of $25.00 at ticket, how much money is a band paid to perform my music to a sold out show there? The answer is 125,000 dollars! Or ten times my annual income! (Loud cheers.) Next, we turn to Door #2, and open it to find The Queen Elizabeth Theatre, a venue of some twenty thousand seats. And how much money does a band get paid to play my songs to a full house there at the amazingly low price of $50.00 a ticket? That's right, a cool million dollars! Or almost one hundred times my annual income! (Louder cheers.) But that's not all - (Normal cheering.) - because look what's behind Door #3, BC Place Stadium, a venue of over fifty thousand seats! (Louder cheers) And how much does a band get paid to play my songs to a full house at BC Place stadium at a hundred dollars a ticket? Why don't you tell me this time? (Crowd in unison: FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!) Hey, you catch on fast! And how - (Crowd in unison, cutting me off: FIVE HUNDRED TIMES YOUR ANNUAL INCOME!) But after struggling to create all that music they stole, how much money did I get paid for it? (Crowd in unison, closing with thundrous cheers: NOTHING!) You got it, Pontiac! Looks like you're all stars! (Roars of delirium.)
And who filled all these seats at these vast venues for bands to play my music? Did they do it all alone, or did someone else get the word out for them? Who would that be? I'm pretty sure it was the broadcast media. Like the classic rock station, where I heard Hotel California playing earlier this afternoon. It was the music they played for my first slow dance with a girl in Grade 6 (1976-77), but see how it still makes money on the radio? The radio only gets sick of a hit if it turns out that the band stole it. And how much royalties does it pay to 'overplay' a song on the commercial radio station? We'd need a garage door for that one, I think.
Star Copyright Offenders
|
|
Transgressor
|
Works Violated
|
Area
|
Period
|
|
AC/DC
|
Easy
|
music
|
2007
|
|
Bieber, Justin
|
Hit song about 'being a man' (my original recording lost)
|
music
|
2007
|
|
Blue Rodeo
|
It Makes Me Wonder, Small Miracles (my original recording lost), Mischief, Redemption, Slings and Arrows, Close Rendezvous, 'The Creed' and other poems.
|
music, poetry
|
2007
|
|
Bush, George W.
|
Essay on U.S. Cultural Influence, other mini-essays from March-April 2004
|
opinion
|
2004
|
|
Beyonce
|
Under My Umbrella
|
music
|
2008-14
|
|
CNN program
|
Privileged Information (The Green Bay Hacker)
|
humor
|
2007
|
|
Carlin, George
|
See George Carlin's Plagiarism
|
personal prose
|
2006-08
|
|
Cohen, Leonard
|
Buck Henry
|
poetry
|
2007-14
|
|
Colbert Report, the
|
Clash of the Puritans, War in the Antarctic, other works
|
humor
|
2007-11
|
|
Coldplay
|
Fool, Canopy, Slings and Arrows
|
music
|
2007-10
|
|
Comedy Central Talk Shows
|
Disembodied cartoon frames and talk show segments, other works
|
humor
|
2007
|
|
Crystalids, the
|
All My Money,
Arise,
Assault,
Bonkers,
Busybody,
Careful,
Chair,
Cheer?,
Comfort?,
Control?,
Crybaby,
Doors of Love,
Easy,
Ectomorph,
Fantasies,
Foothead?,
Forgiveness,
Free,
Frenetic,
Godspeed,
Harmony,
Ho Ho and Ho,
Loose?,
Lucky Lech?,
Mambo Fever,
Mistaken?,
More Sold Out,
Morning Shorelines,
Natural,
Nonplussed?,
Outside,
Prone,
Rusty,
Satellite Sam,
Sense,
Selfish,
Size,
Smile,
Soliloquay,
Spoils,
Telepathy,
Therapy,
Thrown Stones,
Tunnel Vision,
Ugly,
Uneven,
Untoward,
Widen?,
other works
|
music
|
2007-10
|
|
Daily Show, the
|
Johnny Levelhead, the Lunar Dimension, FOX News Hates (videos stolen), Straight from the Belt, Ancient American History, Aunt Sally Doesn't Want You, Rules for Snuggling, other works
|
humor
|
2007-11
|
|
Dateline NBC
|
Accidentaly Blown, the Porcupine Girls, other works
|
humor, poetry, music
|
2007-13
|
|
Degeneres, Ellen
|
See Ellen
|
humor, poetry
|
2007-14
|
|
Eastwood, Clint
|
Killer Ending
|
humor
|
2007
|
|
Ellen
|
Sappho Asparagus, The Widower, the Holy Roller, Mid-Life Crisis (from 2007's hospital visit), Talking Nonchalant (2007's YouTube video), The Civil States?, The Bahn to Buchenwald, Fitness Craze, Girl Logic?, other works
|
humor, poetry
|
2007-14
|
|
'Eye Guy', the (and brother?)
|
Don't know their worthless names: see Saturday Night Live
|
humor, poetry
|
2007-18
|
|
Family Guy
|
War Story: Robot Robot Monster, War Story: Holy War, Insufferable Confession, Michaelangelo's Slip (currently offline), other works
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Fey, Tina
|
See Saturday Night Live
|
humor, poetry
|
2004-13
|
|
Frum, David
|
Republican speeches made from my words
|
opinion
|
2004
|
|
Georgia Straight, the
|
Who Ripped Me Off, Quiz Time, other works
|
humor
|
1996
|
|
Groening, Matt
|
See the Simpsons
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Hanks Tom
|
The Veteran
|
poetry
|
2007-13
|
|
Kimmel, Jimmy
|
Fred's Friendly Frauleins, the X-Ray Player, Get the Waistcoat, Mother Mayhem (video), other works
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
|
Portions of the Don't Steal Show, JFK conspiracy sketch, other works
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Leno, Jay
|
See the Tonight Show
|
humor, poetry, music
|
2007-13
|
|
MacDonnel-Douglas
|
Bird of Prey
|
music
|
2007-2010
|
|
MacFarlane, Seth
|
See Family Guy
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
MAD Magazine
|
Austin Powers I.M.M., other cartoons in apparent support of Mike Myers Austin Powers fraud
|
humor
|
2007-16
|
|
MAD TV
|
Hip Moves, School of Deforming Arts, Tuesday Night Long, the Job, other works perhaps confused by me as SNL crimes, still other works
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Madonna
|
Complicit with bad stars during 2008 Vancouver visit
|
music
|
2008
|
|
Maher, Bill
|
See Real Time
|
humor
|
2007-15
|
|
Miller, Dennis
|
Epilogue: Sneak Peek at My Unpublished Book
|
original theory
|
2007
|
|
Myers, Mike
|
Redemption (music), Orcastra (music), Seal of Doom, Austin Powers, see Saturday Night Live for others
|
humor, poetry, music
|
2004-13
|
|
Nickleback
|
Fool's Paradise, Just Like You (My reject), Nonchalant?
|
music
|
2007-14
|
|
Oasis
|
Fortune
|
music
|
2001-10
|
|
O'Donnell, Rosie
|
Narrative portions of war documentary, 'Shock and Awe'
|
intellectual property
|
2007-2018
|
|
O'Brien, Conan
|
See Late Night with
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Pohler, Amy
|
See Saturday Night Live
|
humor, poetry
|
2007-13
|
|
Real Time
|
'sometimes wearing khaki', political and religious statements
|
personal prose
|
2007-15
|
|
Rolling Stones, the
|
Nothing but Ashes
|
music
|
2007-13
|
|
Saturday Night Live
|
(Sketches:)
Bait Bikes,
Bronson Harley: Portrait of a Badass,
Cosmic Christ, the,
Don't Destroy the Kitchen,
Idiot Stu-dent, the,
One Thin Grocer,
Shorn Testimony,
Thelma Addison's Confusion,
The Masked Coward,
Tyranny,
The Hennessy,
The Planet of the Grapes,
The Whoopin of Chet Turtleback,
The Racoon,
The Burning Sun,
Silent Night on the Western Front,
Patterns of Behaviour (Jane Know-it-all),
Chester Windmill Presents,
Economics Made Simple,
The Search for Blue November,
Ears Wide Open,
Bullscent Artificial Air Freshener,
Minstrel At Arms,
Blindsighted Justice,
The Flying Peacocks,
'The Rake' Oral Apparatus,
Orangatang Flavour Crystals,
The Girls of Nightcast,
Nightcast: September 22, 2012,
Pussy Willow,
Nightcast: September 15, 2012,
War Story: All's Fair in Love and War,
Nightcast: September 8, 2012,
It's Unibrow!,
It's Unibrow! (Episode Four: Blast in Space),
It's Unibrow! (Again),
Match Against Machine,
The Lost Fight,
Ahead of Their Time: Louis Bombardier,
Classic Flicks: Portrait of the Scientist...,
History's Mysteries: Nadia Stalin,
Meddlin' Mom,
Nurse Sheridan,
Classic Flicks: My Fair Hillbilly,
Pick-Me-Up Decaffeinated Coffee,
Mystery Movie: Turtleneck: The Vanishing Casino,
Monday Night at the Movies: The Pilferer,
'The Fishbowl' Smoker's Helmet,
'Whiff' Insect Repellant for Men,
The Lazar Razor,
'The Shot' Wall Syringe,
Metaphysical Fitness,
Vote for Willie,
'Void' Depressurizing Gum[?],
Bigger than the Host,
Jesus of Vancouver/Canadian Film Festival,
Professional Wisecracker,
Stark Raving Mad TV,
Running on Air,
Not Without My Money,
The Dealer (The Collector),
Man of His Dreams,
The Sling,
End Quote,
Episode 1/D.S. Show Pilot Sketch - Windox,
Episode 3/D.S. Show 1 - Securiguard Home Security,
Episode 4/D.S. Show 1 - Dynamo 5000 Air Gun,
Episode 5/D.S. Show 1 - Pottypants,
Episode 6/D.S. Show 1 - Soundproof Suicide Prevention,
Episode 7/D.S. Show 1 - Max-Mix Protein Powder,
Episode 8/D.S. Show 1 - Spellbound Spell Checker,
Episode 9/D.S. Show 1 - Gas-in-a-Stick Man Repellant,
Episode 10/D.S. Show 1 - Immobiline Paralyzing Cream,
Episode 11/D.S. Show 1 - Pro-Rate Reputation Salvation,
Episode 12/D.S. Show 1 - Angel of Stealth Kite,
Episode 13/D.S. Show 1 - Zit Zapper,
Episode 14/D.S. Show 1 - Equine Velvet Aftershave,
Episode 15/D.S. Show 1 - Work-Mate Brand Replicants,
Episode 16/D.S. Show 1 - Jizz Jar,
Episode 17/D.S. Show 1 - Breathe Easy,
Episode 18/D.S. Show 1 - Cart-in-a-Car,
Episode 19/D.S. Show 1 - The Rocket Self-Playing Guitar,
Episode 20/D.S. Show 1 - A-WEL Artists Weight Loss Plan[?],
Episode 21/D.S. Show 1 - Slobber Guard,
Siren Siren,
Atomic Self-Heating Soup,
Episode 22/D.S. Show 1 - Econoflush Food Recycler,
Episode 23/D.S. Show 1 - Vengisil Irritating Powder,
Episode 24/D.S. Show 1 - Primetime Polly,
Episode 25/D.S. Show 1 - The Mask,
Episode 26/D.S. Show 1 - Save Dave - Suicide,
Episode 27/D.S. Show 1 - Save Dave 2 - Protest,
Episode 28/D.S. Show 1 - Save Dave 3 - Bad Venues,
Episode 29/D.S. Show 1 - Save Dave 4 - Divine Punishment,
Episode 30/D.S. Show 1 - Save Dave 5 - Pizza,
Episode 2/D.S. Show 2 - Bloodfist Interactive Video Game,
Episode 3/D.S. Show 2 - The Church of the Branch Sectarians,
Episode 4/D.S. Show 2 - Do-It-Yourself Lawyer[?],
Episode 5/D.S. Show 2 - The Hot Seat,
Episode 6/D.S. Show 2 - Yum Yum Sugar Sauce,
Episode 7/D.S. Show 2 - Tasty Pastry,
Episode 9/D.S. Show 2 - Shortcut Guide to Success,
Love or Money,
Top Stories 1,
Campfire Rock,
The Straight-Blanket,
Top Stories 2,
The Insomniac,
Gold Rush 2013,
Top Story,
The Driver,
The Dating Game,
The Greed Game,
Top Stories 4,
The Blame Game,
Update: War in the Bermuda Triangle,
Top Stories 5,
The Bermuda Triangle War,
Treachery!,
Concentration 'X',
Nightcast: March 18, 2013,
North American Rebel: Behind the Scenes,
The Assistant,
Nightcast: Top Stories (09-03-13),
The Job Lovers Club,
The Cutting Room,
Pestilence Anti-Pest Pellets,
The Vanity Mirrors,
Dead Reckoning,
Enemy Agent,
Celebrity Roundup,
Top Stories 6,
Top Stories 7,
The Red Menace,
The Monarch,
Flames of Compassion,
The Space Suit,
Life Shavers,
Around the Corner (Public Service Ad),
Don't Break the Kitchen,
The Convex Corrective Silkscreen Solution,
The Multi-Gadge,
Family Feudalism,
Henderson Mayfield: Hoot Snatcher,
Film School Preppie,
The Local Banter,
The Police Police,
Gentrification,
A Day in the Afterlife,
Jamie Jong: Outlaw Landlord,
Movie of the Week: Clarra Claptrap,
The Life of Martin, Word Inventor,
Loving Blindness,
Extreme Irony,
The Defector,
Safer Sex with Polly Foolscap,
Head Case Files/Jerome Adirondack,
Head Case Files/Little Brenda,
Head Case Files/Stephen's Snow, Stupid Snow,
Palumbo[?],
Thelma Addison's Confusion/More Stoned,
Balogne Bulletin/Aug 2,
Schoolyard Scope[?],
Slowpoke,
The Thousand Dollar Man,
Le Miscreant,
The Downsizer,
Balogne Bulletin/Sep 30,
High School Sacramental,
Balogne Bulletin/Nov 14,
Balogne Bulletin/Nov 21,
Balogne Bulletin/Nov 25,
Smile-Rite Face Mold,
Balogne Bulletin/Nov 28,
Wilde on Absinthe,
Bum Steer[?],
Balogne Bulletin/Dec 5,
Balogne Bulletin/Dec 12,
The Poisoning of Sir Guy Lombardy,
Balogne Bulletin/Dec 19,
Balogne Bulletin/Dec 30,
Balogne Bulletin/Jan 09/16,
Lord of the Fruit Flies,
Pretty Boy,
the Code Breakers of Stanley Park,
Slander!,
the Pathogena Hair Defense System,
Camp Jesus,
Madame Pompadu,
other works
(Poems:)
Charlotte Harlequin,
Entropy's Date,
False Prophet, the,
First Unholy Roman Emperor, the,
Iniquia,
Marnie Blarneystone,
Mistress Nemesis,
Puritan, the,
Queen Frig,
Redeemer, the,
Restless One, the,
Rosemary Jones,
The Vindictive,
The Octiverse,
other works
|
humor, poetry, music
|
2004-13
|
|
Seal
|
Bad News, Beguiled
|
music
|
2007-15
|
|
Shards, the
|
Virtue, Lifeless
|
music
|
2007-13
|
|
Simpsons, the
|
Its the Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse,
Cold Blooded Marriage, Lady in Waiting, The Herald (Part V - the Abbey), the Pay Toilet, Ghost in Space? - or was that Family Guy's theft?, Superficialman, plus offline works: 'Alaska Nebraska', and other works
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Stewart, Jon
|
See the Daily Show
|
humor
|
2007-13
|
|
Swift, Taylor
|
Spellbound, Careful, Respect, Dignity
|
music
|
2007-13
|
|
Telus Corporation
|
Friend in Need
|
music
|
2008-2010
|
|
Tonight Show, the
|
(Statements and Sketches:)
The Roachademy, the D.S. Show theme song, Sketched in Stone, Hazbrollah Is Love, Flying Legends, Dear Harry, Freaky Possibilities, Virtue (Shards fraudcast of my song), Groundbreakers of Aviation, D.S. Show 1: Ep. 8, D.S. Show 1: Ep. 15, D.S. Show 2: Ep. 3, Cave Art Epilogue, Tyke Force, Ancient Wisdom: Technology, All the Best Drivers, Domestic Life (currently offline), Lost Opportunity, Flimsy Barriers, Test of Patients, Money Talks, many other works
(Poems:)
Jackie the Pro, the Trail Blazer
|
humor, poetry, music
|
2007-2013
|
|
Vancouver Sun, the
|
Front page 'Sunshine Corner'
|
personal prose
|
2007
|
|
Yoakum, Dwight
|
Together Again
|
music
|
2007
|
|
|
No comments:
Post a Comment